Some days bring All. Of. The. Feelings. One tiny failure after another. You sleep late, you can’t find the missing school shoe, the milk runs out, the traffic is grid-locked, you turn on the news in the car and it makes your heart ache. Is it meant to feel this hard Lord? Where am I going wrong? Is this just all part of life’s big tapestry or are you trying to tell me I need to make some changes? How can I possibly make an impact on a broken world when I can’t even find my hairbrush?
Doubt and inadequacy can cloud my every endeavour. I’m not sure if this is intrinsic to all females, but it sure feels that way when I’m speaking with my girlfriends. The gap between what I know of the gospel and how I actually live it out is a ravine of inconsistency. What I perceive as my lack of integrity bugs me. “I want to be your hands and feet Lord” I cry, but sometimes I’m just so tired and stupid-feeling to know what to do next.
In an interview regarding her devotional, “Five minutes with Jesus”, Sheila Walsh explains “Jesus says to us ‘Just bring me what you have, not what is needed”.
Another of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, spoke up, 9 “Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?”
10 Jesus said, “Have the people sit down.” There was plenty of grass in that place, and they sat down (about five thousand men were there). 11 Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish.
What if that boy had looked at his meagre offerings and immediately discounted their value. When we look at what we have through our own eyes, it can seem insufficient. God looks at what we have and says, “It is enough”.
This blows my tiny mind. Realisation dawns that I have been approaching nearly every situation of need incorrectly. I go into “fix it” mode. Identify a problem, identify a solution, then implement it. Sometimes, things just seem so huge and scary that I know in my heart that I just don’t have “enough” to fix it, so I don’t even try. Then I feel guilty. What Jesus illustrates here is that we just need to bring forth happily not what we think is needed, but all that we have in our hands and he will do the rest.
We are currently facing the biggest refugee crisis since World War II. I’m not going to be paralysed with inadequacy. I’m going to bring my five small loves and two small fish…..whatever I have. It’s not the total amount needed, but it’s what I have. God will use it as only He knows how.
In Jen Hatmaker’s new book “For the Love” she says,
“We are called to this work, and it might not seem like much, but if you play your one note and I play mine and she plays hers, together it will create a beautiful song that sounds like freedom for the captives and good news to the poor. May the brokenhearted be healed and ashes turned to beauty in our generation”
Don’t you just love that? You play your one note, I’ll play mine….
This new book of Jen Hatmaker’s is THE BUSINESS. I was fortunate enough to be on her launch team and the “church” that has formed from her that team deserves a blog post of its own. It’s coming:)
I hope you can go forth today knowing that what you have is enough. YOU are enough. Just as you are.
Love Meredith xo